tomorrow a day away

Tomorrow is weigh in day, I'm nervous... I don't think I am at what I wanted to be... it has been one hell of a week. Today I didn't get to the gym so I feel gross about that but I plan on making up for it by doing p90x tonight. I've got this!!! right? hopefully? ughhhhhhhhh lol

One Year

It has been one year to the date that I found out I was pregnant for the first time (well... not counting Adalynn of course) In this past year I have lost 4 babies.... It really sucks... I swear everyone is pregnant and everyone is happy and I'm sitting here just miserable... I hate this for me... I just want a baby... It isn't fair. I know that right now I need to wait until Jeff is out of college and that really sucks that I now have to wait 4 years.... It just isn't fair and it hurts.. but I can't say that out loud because than I have all those stupid eyes looking at me with pity and sadness and i'm not ready for that.

attainable goals

While I was waiting for the blood suckers to take more from my veins, there was a wonderful army values video about make smart goals... and the A in the smart was attainable... I think it is completely attainable to lose 50lbs like I want to... however I know that it is too big of a goal right away.. I need to set a smaller goal over and over until I get down... soooooo I want to lose 5lbs before Thanksgiving... that's basically a pound a week... I think I can lose more than that but I would rather make a goal that I can surpass, rather than one that I struggle to make or don't achieve... soooo whatever!

I also plan on all these little goals to get to my other little goal

• lay off the wine sauce!!! (1 bottle a week and work to 1 bottle a month) 
• 1 cup of coffee every morning instead of a couple
• getting at least 10k steps a day but shoot for 15k
• eating smaller portions
• no late night snacking
• WATER!!! at least 1.5 liters a day

I'll weigh myself "officially" tomorrow morning but I've been hovering between 240-242 so Thanksgiving day I want to be between 235-237! Totally doable!!! 

If I keep this up

Christmas - 230-232

End of January - 225-227

End of February 220-222

End of March 215-217

End of April 210-212

End of May 205-207

End of June 200-202

End of July 195-197

End of August 190-192

Would I like to be smaller than that? absolutely! But I'm not greedy... hahaha!!! I want to start with this and go from there... but by my birthday realistically I can be there if I just work at it and don't throw in the towel because I don't wake up tomorrow 50lbs less hahahahaah

one week done

Jeff is working over night so we didn't get to go over our progress for the week and I don't think we will be able to until Saturday =/

but I personally killed it!!! I was the only one... but hey... one of us had to be an overachiever lol!!!

boom!

I just feel awesome!!!! gym today and being good... I mean.... I feel bad that i'm doing so awesome at working at myself and no one else is lol!!! <3 <3

emotions are stupid

Today I got in to an imaginary fight with my girlfriend... because she said something that I KNOW she didn't mean it the way she said it but it felt like that and I almost lost it on her... it was just stupid and I know i'm overly emotional but it happened!

But even then instead of reacting I just let it go and came back to it with a clear head later... I feel like my entire life is getting more and more calm and I really am like this new me... ya, I know its been a few days ... hahahaha but still... it is helping

I also started back at the gym today!!! I went almost 5 miles but Jeff had to go to work so I had to leave before I got to do that last .3 of a mile... but oh well!!! It feels really good to be back in the swing of things!!! I also started a 21 day arm workout "challenge" (with myself...) and ya... my arms are not strong lol... I might not be moving up anytime soon... because the 8 reps barely happened lol!!! But one day at a time right...

I need to lose 50lbs... that's my smallish goal... I mean... realistically my small goal is first to be able to fit in my pants but that will happen as soon as my uterus shrinks back down to normal size.. after that I want to be able to fit in my smaller pants and that will be probably 20lbs... but in the short long term... 50lbs

You win some... you lose some...

I freaking won the crap out of today!!!! I came downstairs and Adalynn was eating cereal in the living room ... she is not allowed to... but whatever she promised like 35923950 times she wouldn't spill milk... later she picks up her blanket and there is a HUGE puddle of spilt milk ALL over my carpet!!!! I WAS SO MAD!!!! I almost ended her life hahahahaha but seriously I wanted to just lose my shit all over her... and I did not... I did not yell at all... I just calmly told her that food is not allowed in the living room and she knows better and if she HAD spilt something she needed to come tell me immediately. I then sent her upstairs so that she could read so that I could clean up the mess because it required a shampooing of my carpet and I cleaned it up and just went on with my day... no screaming and no tears... it just was pleasant and I still conveyed my point and here is to hoping it all works out.

Anyway, after a wonderful day we went to a haunted house with friends and it was just a good day that could have been a stressful hard day if I had let my attitude get the best of me and I didn't... I even took some time to do myself up all pretty!!! It was just... nice!